WHOLENESS HEALS

An approach to abundant health.

After 30 years in my profession, I am beginning to believe I have an understanding about what we want. We want to feel okay. We want to be able to tell ourselves and loved ones, “You know, today was okay and I am grateful for this day, thankful for my life and I am going to sleep tonight at peace, smiling, and calm. And tomorrow, I am going to try and replicate this and just do my best even though I know life is not in my control.”

During the 19th Century, psychiatrists and psychoanalysts studied our subconscious and conscious mind, our family of origin, our personalities, our spiritual beliefs, our dreams, and ourselves in relations to our environment,. These Leaders of the human mind also studied Eastern and Western philosophies and religions. Social Workers and humanitarian leaders took action against poverty and injustice based on equality; regardless of race, social class, faith, gender and sexual orientation. These psychoanalysts, psychiatrists, behavioral theorists, humanitarians and social workers began their research and work long before our time. These 19th Century leaders referred to their century as “dark times.” These leaders of yesteryear, lead the path I have preceded, studying the understanding of the human mind and behavior, and helping people live courageous, abundantly whole lives.

Our Fast Life, Fast Social Connection, Fast News Undermines Our Wholeness

What is on our morning news feed and social interaction often misdirects our joy. We are encouraged by ads, television, and social media to look outside ourselves for peace and happiness. For example in 2017, the fitness and diet industry was a 32 billion dollar a year industry and in 2016, the pharmaceutical industry was a 446 billion dollar a year industry. These industries keep suggesting that we take something in, pay for some product, and join some organization to feel better. Hip catch phrases in self-help like “mindfulness” and “triggers” and “boundaries” are not new words….The 19th Century Theorists used these terms….And, I’m pretty sure you already know meditation and yoga are not new. Likewise medication use, misuse, abuse and overuse is not new, although it once was in the form of an herb, flower, bean, seed or plant to chew, swallow, or inhale...oh wait...how we absorb medications or “elixirs” are not new either!

Wholeness and Balance

We feel okay when we keep ourselves balanced. Wholeness, or balance, is a constant conditioned practice . It is our self-awareness of daily internal and external shifts; assessing crisis, our biochemical changes, and outside stimuli. It is not simple. There is not a “3 or 5 or 7 or 10 Steps” to this wholeness. If we practice it , we are continuously checking our mind, our spirit, our emotions, and our body throughout the day. We balance, rebalance, and balance again. We attempt to balance our self-care, our school or work, our family, our friends, our laughter, and our fun. We attempt to reach our ultimate goal of wholeness.

The Struggle is Real

We are not perfect! Geez I am so far from it! We don’t complete our To Do Lists. We yell at people, we gossip, we lie. We eat the pie on the “naughty list.” We get enticed by shocking headlines and manipulative marketing. We buy the toy because it is shiny. We don’t meet our or others’ expectations of us. We forget to breathe. We forget gratitude….Nonetheless, we all want to believe that we are more than what we tell ourselves, what a doctor diagnosis us, what our parents told us, and how we feel. And I know in my personal and professional experience, we will not get better by a new relationship, a new toy, a new drink, an new outfit, a new drug, a new body, or a new community. Heather Parenti, LCSW March, 2018.All Rights Reserved by Author.

N.O. Numbers without Opinions

How tall are you? How much do you weigh? How many years have you been living here? How many drinks did you have? How many times have you been in a car accident? How many children have you had? How many pregnancies have you had? How many cars, toys, houses do you have? What was the score? How many points did you win? How many times have you had sex? How much have you eaten? How many times have you smoked? How much money do you make? How many relationships have you had? How many drugs have you used? Living a life without measurement, comparison, numerical goals. I would like you tshare in my health campaign. Heather Parenti September, 2022. All Rights Reserved.

To Be Posted:

- Grief in Childhood

-Selected Poetry and Artwork

-and More!

*Master's Thesis on Support During Loss

ANGELS

There’s a cloud over family's in your community whose stories and needs you don’t know. They may be your neighbor, your classmate, the woman in line at the grocery store. You don’t know.

I’ve spent years trying to redirect the clouds away from families. Providing emotional support and guidance. But some families need more. And I can’t make all the “grey” go away and there isn’t a fitting organization or government program that often fits their needs.

They need angels.

They need angels who give not for recognition, tax purposes, or have motives to “save” or “heal” them. Most importantly, they certainly don’t want people to feel sorry for them.

I was raised, and feel and believe, that angels are invisible and come as we need them. We can call on them and they come. But we don’t see them helping us, holding us, guiding us. We allow them and they enter. They don’t stick around for accolades, awards, or thank you gifts. They do their work and then go elsewhere.

If I had one supernatural power it would to be invisible so I could see through the walls of homes who are burdened with suffering. I could see when the daily facade or mask is removed and worry, sadness, pain comes through the cracked lines of makeup. Conversely, I’d get to see the full belly laughter, inside jokes, burping, and the same night attire of t-shirts three times too big and fluffy bunny slippers. And I would call on my angels to help.

Because angels don’t do it for recognition. Angels are born to serve humbly and quietly. Go ahead. Call one now and you will see!

EATING THROUGH THIS

Personally I have found when I am stressed, more tired, whether emotionally, physically or mentally, I eat more. So is this “Emotional Eating?” Maybe somewhat. But it is also self care.

I decided to write this because I have heard from so many who are confused by their increased food intake or their decreased motivation during stressful times.

I have heard catchy phrases like “The Freshman 20” or “The Covid 15” or “The misery of Menopause” , and constant images of diet and exercise programs bombarding our media formats. Why do you think this is happening?

Well I am going to tell you why I think it’s happening….

With over 20 years as a licensed psychotherapist, specializing in matters including disordered eating, I have learned facts, lectured, been to conferences, read and researched on the relationship between food and our brains.

Additionally, I am an athlete of over 40 years competition and a fitness professional for over 15 years. And secretly, I had an eating disorder in my teens to early 20s. The disordered thinking does not completely go away. But it is a part of me, it is that 4-6% of me who needs love, redirection and reminders that I know something about this...

So you have gained a few pounds, you have moved less, you haven’t been able to get to the gym? My answer to you is, So What?!

Maybe it is because our bodies are doing its natural thing. Our bodies need more rest. Our bodies need more energy to fight off illness and decrease stress. Our bodies need more food.

During this time, we must replenish ourselves. Our bodies are naturally taking care of us. As animals, we instinctively react to trauma and stress. Our bodies naturally prepare ourselves for tough times; the days when we may find it hard, if not, impossible to get adequate nutrition. Or, the days when we cannot leave our homes and we are forced away from our daily routines. As animals, our bodies go into protection mode. Animals hibernate. We may call it Self Preservation.

I have spent years telling people how many calories a day a human needs to survive; how many calories a typical woman, man, child, teen, athlete, comatose patient needs to sustain.

Additionally, I have been the anti-diet, new magic pill, new exercise program lecturer... if one will listen. I have said things like “If you think you’re on a “No-Carb” diet, you’re lying.” Because if you’re putting sauce or condiments on that said piece of meat or trough of vegetables, you are intaking sugars and/or starches in the sauces! If you’re not eating “carbs” but drinking alcohol, you are intaking “carbs!”

Please understand my lecture comes from a loving place. I have been my own guinea pig. I have learned that if I drink wine, I eat less fruit and pastries. .If I eat less meat, I eat more peanut butter. If I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I have less snacks. And for full disclosure and bluntness, if I throw up said foods, I am hungry again in a couple hours and eat said foods again.

May I implore you to understand that I am not speaking to individuals who have diseases that limit or disallow certain foods. If you are diabetic, you need to eat less sugar or increase your insulin shots and if you have Celiac Disease you need to decrease your gluten products and/or take medication. I understand. And I also understand that you may “feel” better when you eat less sugar, drink less alcohol, eat less pasta. But I will also add to this that even the diabetic regulates and balances their intake to be stable.

However, please remember that most of our foods break down to sugar (glycogen) or fats (lipids) or proteins (amino acids/peptides). And these sources are needed in order to survive.

The outer membranes of our brain are fat and glycogen. Brain synapses; thoughts, moves, directions, reactions happen because we feed our brains these foods. Our involuntary muscles, organs, systems run on calories. Our hearts cannot beat, our blood cannot flow, our lungs can't breathe without energy intake. Our emotions and thinking skills do not function well without caloric intake. .

So give yourself, your children, your loved ones a pat on the back. You are doing what you are supposed to be doing. Our bodies will work at their best when we allow them to. Be aware, alert, be loving and forgiving to yourself as well as others. We need one another and we need ourselves.

ON PAIN

The pain is real. After 30 years of working in health care and another 23 years of living, my knowledge is an array of personal experience, education, and professional experience. For those who are not excited about the state of the educational system, I have personal and professional experience. For those who don’t want to hear of my personal and professional experiences , I have 4 years undergraduate, three years graduate and another 3-4 years post-graduate education about human and social behavior.

Pain, whether it emotional or physical, we feel it. It hurts. Sometimes it’s excruciating and feels unbearable. Some consider taking their life instead of enduring the pain. Some go through their life in pain, projecting it on others or withdrawing from environments or people to lessen the pain.

But pain is present after a trauma has occurred. It is present after an injury. It is present after an assault to our physical being or emotional being. And our body think it is the same affliction.

Without going into too many complexities of the human body or brain, I will hopefully help you understand pain. So simply put, we have pain receptors in our brain. They are not in the forefront of our brain but in the middle part, where our chemicals reside to help us feel. The same area that tells us we are hungry and tired, also lets us know when we are afraid, upset, and in pain. It is the part of our brain which triggers “the flight or fight response” which prior mental health physicians have named. That part, being the one closest associating us with other animals.

So, when we are in pain, our reactions can be as severe as an animal would be if he was seeing a predator, another animal, who may threaten harm. We may attack or we may coil. We may aggressively fight it off or hide in camouflage.

And because our pain receptors feel it where we are hurt, the receptors pass through our nervous system, triggering other chronic emotional or physical pain. We hurt everywhere when in significant pain.

So if we have experienced pain physically or emotionally in childhood, we can feel it again. And, if we have had emotional or physical pain in adolescence or adulthood, we can feel it again. And if we feel it, our brain will want to run and hide or attack.

Now this is an awful reality to some. Some people have suffered significant trauma in their lives and they spend much of their day trying to push it away, ignoring it so they can be an “average” person in the world. Some people get triggered by situations and people every single day and have to force themselves to get only their basic tasks completed. Some people, because of how severe their trauma, are prescribed medication to help block severe trauma reaction. Some use alcohol and drugs to hold the feelings at bay. Some people lash out at others, harming their personal and public relationships. Some people act as though they don’t care and they’re dealing with it matter-of-factly.

But, the part of our brain which relays emotions, hunger, tiredness and pain is cannot be ignored or discounted.

But, there is a good end of the story to the problem with pain. We have other chemicals in our brain to fend off hurt. We have norepinephrine, endorphine,. adrenaline. dopamine, serotonin. These chemicals can be released naturally if we know how to release them and we consciously release them. But how?

Well, I believe there is a three step process of learning, knowing, and choosing. We first take the time, allow the time to learn about our pain. We educate ourselves through respected mental, spiritual, and/or medical books, informative mediums, and experts. We speak with experienced professionals in the field of pain management, trauma, loss, and illness.

We know by recounting our personal pain experiences, whether they are emotional or physical. We talk with others who are safe about this pain. We express ourselves creatively or think introspectively on it and allow to feel the pain and the feel good brain chemicals release. We experience that we can be safe within the pain reaction.

And, lastly, we choose. We choose to practice recognizing the feelings of pain and using effective, positive chemicals that are in our bodies or available for use in the external world if we allow them. We choose to check our emotions and our body’s physical being through the day and receive the help that is near.

Sounds easy enough, yes? Well anyone suffering from chronic physical or emotional pain regardless of the trauma or their life situation can tell you it is not easy. It is work and it is constant practice. Sometimes we combat these attacks with vigor and use our internal and external loving weapons. And sometimes, we revert to negative forces, we screw up, we “hiccup.” But most importantly, we keep choosing every minute of every day to love ourselves and love others. Not everything or every person hurts us. We can trust. We can believe there is peace.